Growing Pains

I don't write much. This we all know (we as in maybe the 2 people that will read this)

This year has been absolutely amazing and extremely awful. It's definitely been a growing experience for me. This time last year I was not the woman I am today. You probably would have never been able to tell because I was very good at masking things, except to my close friends. (or so I thought I was good at it) I've done a 180 from who I was last year & I could not be more grateful for the prayers and love I received from everyone.

With that said, if I was the person I was a year ago I don't know how I would have handled this year. This year can be summed up as the year of loss for me. I  gained everything I ever wanted and lost it all in the same year. Don't get me wrong, My life is definitely not in shambles. I am very thankful for what God has brought me through.

I ended up posting mostly all the blogs that I wrote but saved as drafts, because I wasn't ready for people to read them. That is just a glimpse into my life last year. I hit bottom. I questioned everything I ever knew about God. I didn't receive His love, & I didn't want it. I thought so little of myself, and it showed. I didn't accept anything good, because I knew I didn't deserve it...

Until God blessed me with someone who changed my perspective on myself and God's love for me. This person showed me so much about God's love whether they knew it or not that I finally was able to accept it little by little. It was the acceptance of one person that made me realize God wants me even if I push Him out. It was that moment sitting on my couch that God told me this is just a miniscule amount of my love for you.

Months have gone since that moment. Many things have changed in my life. One of my best friends in Lynchburg who I saw every day and is my rock, got engaged and moved 2 hours away from me. My boyfriend who I thought I was spending the rest of my life with broke up with me. My unit at work is going through a ton of changes that are hard and taking a toll on me. We lost our unit manager. All my closest co-workers are actually leaving and getting new jobs. My roommate and close friend for 5 years may be moving back home.

Like I said everything that I was blessed with has been stripped from me. I'm amazed though because through this year of loss, God has grown me.

I went to Africa again where we all know my heart is. I've grown to love church again, and I walk away every Sunday overwhelmed with love for the friends I have grown to know since going to Uganda. I found an awesome small group that encourages me every week. I've never had a love for scripture like I do now. Working on CICU has brought me a friend that I am beyond grateful for and wouldn't give up for anything. I finally feel confident as a nurse. My bestest friend in the world moved back to Greensboro from Nashville.  I've given up my plan for my life and handed it to God.

They say bad things happen in threes. I wish! It's one thing after the other for me, but I FINALLY can say I have the confidence to stand tall and smile knowing that God is in control.

Bring on 2013