True Freedom

I am much better with words and conveying my feelings on paper/blog then speaking. Ask anyone, I suck at talking. This post I started writing on March 25, 2013 while I was sitting at Starbucks. I never posted it (obviously) I'm not sure why, but from March 25th til this day July 18th, I've been besties with the Israelites. It's funny how God throws stuff in your face sometimes.

On March 6 a close friend called me out and told me that so and so wasn't my problem, I was my problem. Then she told me to listen to a specific sermon about the Israelites.

March 25- the day I originally wrote this post was the day I read some of Exodus out of my Bible app

RIGHT AFTER I typed up this whole blog, I got an email from a friend telling me to buy a book that we would read through together. The book? Redemption. What's it about? Oh, ya know, the Israelites.

In the middle of that I began reading a different book about prayer, and in the beginning the author spoke of the Israelites.

I just now finished the first book. Yes, it took me forever. There were definitely some days I didn't want to read it. But from that point til now, almost all of my friends have brought up the Israelites and their journey to find freedom.

With that said, here's what I wrote . . .

I constantly feel like I'm in bondage to something, and by something I most definitely mean sin. I find myself never truly feeling free from it. Why is that? Is it because Satan constantly reminds me of my failures? Is it because I don't feel like I can accept the true love of Christ? Probably both.

Here I am again learning from ordinary people of the Bible. Lessons that I continue to learn. It's honestly encouraging that people in the Bible are similar to me. Thanks, Jesus, for making the Bible relatable. 

This time I learn from the Israelites. 

Imagine being in slavery for years, and then someone shows up to let you go. Awesome, right? But then you have to walk through the wilderness to get to the place you are called to be, where God wants you to be. 

This is what I mean . . . 

"As Pharaoh approached, the people of Israel looked up and panicked when they saw the Egyptians overtaking them. They cried out to the Lord, and they said to Moses, "Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren't there enough graves for us in Egypt? What have you done to us? Why did you make us leave Egypt? Didn't we tell you this would happen while we were still in Egypt? We said, "Leave us alone! LET US BE SLAVES TO THE EGYPTIANS. It's better to be a slave in Egypt than a corpse in the wilderness!" (Exodus 14:10-12)

First off, the Israelites would have rather died in SLAVERY then die on their way to the Promised Land. This statement gets to me in several ways. This just shows me that they have no faith in God whatsoever. They would rather be complacent in slavery, doing nothing with their lives then to take a risk for some thing God has called them to do. God has promised them such great things and in this moment when Pharaoh is catching up to them they give up all hope. 

Ever feel like God has called you to do something and it's taking FOREVER for his promises to prove true? I like to give up, and I often do. I don't see the promises He has in store. I'm the one that actually turns away from God and walks back to what holds me captive with open arms. At least His people didn't turn around, like I so often do. 

Israelites: 1 Beth: 0

but alas

"But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." (Exodus 14:13-14)

Isn't it so much better to go in the way God has called you even with trials instead of being a slave to whatever binds you. I'm grateful God knows the outcome. 

Just rest in that fact. God is fighting for you, just be calm.

God: 970,387,546,282,007,468,200 Beth: 0

There is so much more that I've learned from the book of Exodus and things I've learned about myself that I never realized; my idols, how much I complain, the fact that I don't trust God, my selfishness, how prideful I am, the list goes on and on and on. I'm human, and I definitely don't claim to be perfect in ANY way, but for some reason I never understood the Israelites until now. I thought they were ridiculous, and in more ways than a few I am exactly like them.

I don't like trials. I don't like difficulty. I don't like listening to others. I like to do everything, and I mean EVERYTHING on my own. I don't like not knowing what's ahead. Basically I don't trust God. Ouch. It's an amazing thing to know that God loves me regardless. Wouldn't I rather Him know my path, then me anyways? I'd rather Him write my story any day, yet it's much easier for me to say that then believe whole-heartedly in that fact.

I'm not perfect. Frankly I'm a broken shell of a woman that thinks I have to earn my keep, but lucky for me God fills in those shattered cracks without payment. His payment was enough & THAT, my friends, is a fact I need to learn.

He truly is the freedom I've been searching for.

Perspective

So there's this guy. Joseph.

Loved by his father. Hated by his brothers. Sold into slavery. Close with the pharaoh. Thrown in jail falsely. Stayed there for years. Forgotten while in jail. Once remembered came to reign.

Joseph should be so pissed, right? I would be! Sure take the good with the bad but he was just done wrong. Yet he didn't keep a grudge.

When revealing who he was to his brothers finally he says, "Don't be upset, and don't be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. IT WAS GOD WHO SENT ME HERE ahead of you to preserve your lives. IT WAS GOD WHO SENT ME HERE, not you!"

Sometimes I wish that I could respond in that manner. Joseph remained faithful to God for years and didn't blame his brothers for the hell we went through. He gives glory to God for placing him where he was. When people do me wrong, I feel like I blame them constantly. "Look what you did to me. I"m like this because of you, and I don't like you because of that."

Why do I find it so difficult to let grudges go? Why do I blame God when something minor doesn't go the way that I would like it to? Joseph was also human. Same flesh and blood that I have. Nothing special, but he followed Christ. He trusted in Christ. He basically is saying (from my understanding of this story) that God sent him through those trials & God is the one who gets the praise He deserves at the end of it.

That one verse just rocked my world today. I need to realize that God does have a plan for me. I'm not in jail. I wasn't thrown in a pit by my brothers and sold because I was hated by them. Yet I fall apart daily. I'm not putting Joseph on a pedestal, because I'm sure that while he was going through the valleys he questioned God the same way I do unfortunately.

I'd love to have that attitude though, of God sent me through this because of .... fill in the blank. My story is still being written, but at the end of it I pray I have that attitude. Not an attitude of, "Why did you do this, God? but God sent me here & praise His name for it!