"If you give me this then I will do this."
"okay, God, I'm going to take it as a sign from you if this happens that I should do this . . ."
First off, talking that way to God is childish
Secondly, sometimes when we ask for a sign He actually does it & we ignore it
I've been praying more then usually this week. Maybe it's b/c I'm praying for someone I genuinely care about, maybe it's b/c I'm at a cross roads and taking that next step in my life as to "Dear God, what am I supposed to be doing?" I don't know why. This week I've been in an emotional battle with God. I'll ask Him to show me something & He does & I ignore it b/c I don't want what He has to say about the situation to be true. Every time I'm in prayer or in worship I can feel God saying, "No," but I won't have it. I don't want to listen even though I ask Him for answers "But God, what if I'm willing to sacrifice the happiness I could have, for being just a little happy? I'll be willing if that means that I can get this!"
This week after I have said that to God multiple times, I step back & I think really? I want to settle? I want to give up God's absolutely BEST for me just b/c I'm holding on to a feeling. In the big picture I can't imagine anything better then what's in my mind. I wish God would just give me a glimpse, but I guess that wouldn't be patience now would it?
I asked God to take something away from me if it is His will, & I think He is slowly taking it away, & I'm not happy about it. at all. I want so badly to take it back. j/k, God. I want to hold onto it a little longer please. I really really need to learn how to let go & let God.
ugh, I feel so bipolar.
